I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
