I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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