So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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