Grow some girl-balls and come out already
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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