I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
