we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
