i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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