and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
