Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
