this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
