I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
