Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
