you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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