jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
