i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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