We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
