Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
