thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
