My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
