I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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