I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
