so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
