easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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