I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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