Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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