seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
