I'm gonna have a badass scar
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
