you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
