Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
