we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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