i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
