i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
