some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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