Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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