dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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