What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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