at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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