he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
