Three words: puerto rican gang bang
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
