I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
