Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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