And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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