We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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