I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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