so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
