sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
