I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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