Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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