Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
