remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
