i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can I color on your dick again?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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