I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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