they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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