omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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