i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Every concussion has its silver lining
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
