Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
