don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
