So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize