I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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