i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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