basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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