My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
