i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
