oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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