It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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