And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
