I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
