RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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