You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
