Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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