Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
