I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
