If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
