so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
