proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
