butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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