i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
