i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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