does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
