Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
