We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
