I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
