the day after is always just damage control
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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