Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize