We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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