He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Send help, water and tortillas.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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