There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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