Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
