Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
