i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to sanitize my soul.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize