What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
