Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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