32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
