Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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