So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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