Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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