I am puke
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
