I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
