He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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