In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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