look no pants
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
