Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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