is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
