A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
