good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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